Doubts

Okay so it's been about two weeks and a lot has changed. Basically, since my last post I've completed both orientation week and week 1 of uni. While it's been nice to have structure and to feel like I'm using my brain again, and it's refreshing to be around so many new people, I'm starting to feel like what I'm doing just isn't right for me. I mean law? What kind of person commits to a near six year law degree when they have no intention nor desire to become a lawyer? Well, it turns out I'm that kind of person and it needs to stop. So these two weeks have not been a complete waste, I did figure out that I no longer want to study law. But what do I want to study?

I must admit that I have been enjoying the Creative Industries half of my double degree, especially my drama subject. I am almost certain that I want to be in the theatre/film industry, however almost is not quite good enough for me. I suppose I've had somewhat of an epiphany. It took a little while for this thought to form in my head but basically it was this: Why am I sacrificing my time, money, and emotional stability for something I know I don't want instead of figuring out what I actually do want? Groundbreaking stuff I know. You would think this thought would have come to me a lot sooner. But nevertheless it has come and fortunately before the census date.

So here's the plan: I'm going to defer for six months, work, play, see what kind of theatre/drama stuff I can experiment with and go from there. This is the only option I have thought of that has given me some piece of mind so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

One piece of advice for anyone out there who is trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives - don't do something simply because you can. It may feel really cool and impressive to tell people you're doing some really prestigious course but how much cooler would it be to tell people that you are following your dreams and are the happiest you've ever been? Don't fall into the OP trap - just because you got a 1 doesn't mean you have to do medicine. Be the person who gets a 1 and does dance or photography or game design. It doesn't matter what it is, just make sure it's something you want, and if you don't know what you want then definitely figure it out before diving into a law degree.

Tomorrow

So, tomorrow it all begins. It's my first day of orientation and I am released into the wild world of university for the very first time. I must admit I'm not feeling quite as excited as maybe I should be, even though my first orientation event is a free pancake breakfast. Still, the prospect of university is kind of scary. I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave the warm, nurturing community of my high school. A couple of days ago I went back to school to give a brief address at an assembly and reconnect with my senior teachers and it reminded me of the close relationships I had with them. As a single student in a lecture hall of two hundred, I struggle to see how any comparable connections can be made at uni.

The whole place seems to me like a busy collective of disconnected individuals, there to simply do their work. Of course I'm sure it is a lot more than that and I've heard countless times that "you make your best friends for life at university" but somehow those words aren't sinking in just yet. I don't feel like a uni student, but I'm not a high school student either. I guess I've just grown accustomed to identifying myself as part of a group and now I'm just me - stuck in some weird transitional phase. I'm going from being a 'Senior' with authority and experience to being a clumsy first year who doesn't know what the hell is going on. I know that this is a step forward but somehow I feel like I'm taking five steps back.

I guess I'll find out tomorrow and chances are it will be great - nothing ever turns out to be as complicated as I make it out to be in my head. It's time to get out of the past and even if it feels way too soon, that seems to be how life operates.

A message for all the school kids out there - soak up every moment because though it may not seem like it, there are so few.

Preparation

As my first day of university draws closer an element of preparation is required. Basically this means spending a whole heap of money on stationary, textbooks, office computer software and I did manage to sneak some clothes and a new pair of shoes in there - hey, i've got to be comfy during those long lectures. With every painful purchase I think to myself "this is five hours of work;" however, let's not pretend I don't love to go home afterwards and look at my shiny new things - five hours isn't that bad, right?

One part of the preparation process that didn't require saying farewell to a large chunk of money was getting my new ID card. After putting on my best face of makeup, scouring the campus to find the right building and waiting briefly in line it was time to get my photo taken. Please, please let this be the the one ID photo that doesn't make me look like a boiled potato or a convict. A brief wait filled with low-to-moderate levels of suspense preceded the moment when my new card was handed to me. The result: pretty damn good, you know, considering. Is this the start of something new? "The Era of Good ID Photos."Okay, probably not, but we all have dreams. There was only one thing left to do - begin the emotional experience of removing my High School ID card from my wallet and replacing it with the new one. (Some say I'm overly sentimental). I used the new ID to buy a movie ticket later that night so I guess it's official - I'm a uni student now, or at least in the eyes of Event Cinemas.

Armed with my disturbingly expensive Kiki.K agenda, brown leather satchel, oversized hoodie and The ID Card I am ready to take on campus. Uni here I come!