First of all Happy New Year! Now I'm not sure about you guys but for me the start of a new year is a time of stress and existential crisis and there are always a few anxiety ridden thoughts that plague the weeks between December and February...
"A whole year has passed and what have I accomplished?"
"I can't even remember what my resolutions were"
...and, more specific to this year
"Fuck, gap year's over, what the hell do I do now?"
If you were with me this time last year you'll remember that 2014 was all about my magical journey of self discovery and the search for my true passion and direction in life. Well it turns out that just because you tell yourself you're going to have everything figured out within the next twelve months doesn't make it any easier. I think I'm slowly beginning to realise that self discovery is really a never ending process and questioning every decision you make is probably going to be a permanent thing. I guess nobody ever really has it all figured out and all you can do is make choices that you can be happy with. So that's a pretty good segue into the announcement of the first decision I made in 2015 - I'm not heading to university this year. Maybe ever. For a girl who was always brought up with the idea that life went school - uni - job that's a pretty scary thing to admit. However that decision has been the only thing able to settle my stomach since the new year began. It wasn't an easy choice to make but before I get into that I want to reflect a little on my past year.
2014 was my first year out of school and while on paper I didn't do a lot it was actually a pretty significant year for me. Of course I had ups and downs but last year was the most emotionally/mentally stable I've been in a while. Like, I was actually pretty happy for the majority. It was definitely a year of narrowing down my friends and figuring out how to accept many people into my life while remaining close with a selected few. A pretty big achievement for me was maintaining a close bond with a couple of high school friends and developing a second close group through work. I turned 18, learned the art of partying (as well as really valuable things like being safe and knowing my limits). I opened myself up to different ways of thinking and tried to incorporate more spirituality into my life. I learned a lot about self confidence, body positivity, feminism and self-assurance as well as being supportive and accepting of others. I can't look back on last year and say I made any huge steps forward in the course of my life but in terms of personal growth 2014 was unparalleled (so far at least).
So what's next? First of all - stop incessantly questioning "what's next?" It never results in any solid answers and accomplishes nothing but a peak in anxiety. Obviously I do have to have some sort of idea of what's happening in the future though so here are my goals:
1. Get my bloody licence already.
2. Get a vehicle so I can put my licence to use.
3. Move into management at my current job or find somewhere with management prospects or some kind of path for progression.
4. Save some money. Seriously. No I mean it this time.
5. Stay happy. Continue to make cool memories with friends. Have some fun.
Because at the end of the day all of this career bullshit is essentially a means to allow us to enjoy life and if our job is preventing us from doing that then what are we really working for?
